Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Mexico Has A Fox?

Scene: After a horrible day at work, I am curled up in the chair next to husband watching a special on The History Channel about craters.

Me: Huh, why are there fossils all over the world if all the dinosaurs were in Mexico?

Him: (Giving me the what the fuck are you talking about look)

Me: If they were all in Mexico then did their bones just float all over the world to make fossils?

Him: Are you serious?

Me: Do I look like I am kidding.

Him: The sad thing is, no.

Just to let you all know what I learned last night:

1. Mexico wasn't "Mexico" 65 billion years ago.
2. Dinosaurs were everywhere on the earth but when this meteor hit land (land that is NOW Mexico) it disrupted the environment so much that the dinosaurs and other living things didn't have a chance to adapt to the cold change and died. Basically global warming in reverse.
3. I have a smart husband who actually paid attention in what ever class you take to learn about this stuff. If you know what this class is, let me know.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

sweet surrender

Spring has always made me restless. I can’t seem to stay under the covers at night and daylight hours find me wanting to jump out of my office window to enjoy the drenching rays of the sun. I spend too much time online looking for a good baseball game to go to and dream of having just one night away with my husband. Sometimes I don’t even think about my husband. I think about being someplace exotic with someone who doesn’t know my annoying habits or where all my stretch marks are. Maybe I will flirt with someone today but probably not. Those thoughts quickly go away as I realize that, in fact, I have a mom stomach and boobs and that is ok. Comfort is what I need right now.

It is around this time of year that I can taste the seasons changing. It isn’t because I am covered with green pollen, a characteristic of spring where I live; it is because something inside of me is moving. After months of darkness, feeling helpless and tired and unworthy, the sun starts to shine a bit more. The open windows bring in the soft breeze that transforms. I think back to the woman of February who was distraught about her job, aching for more time to spend with her child, crying on her husbands shoulder every night in bed because she felt weak and stupid for not being able to do it all. I looked up the number for a psychiatric clinic in February because I didn’t think I could do it. And the truth is, I can’t. I can’t expect myself to do it all. Some is good enough right now-some is what gets me through the day. Watching my daughter dig her little piglet toes into the dark warm soil in our backyard reminds me I am doing ok. Taking a walk with the dog as the sun sets and the coolness of evening sets in, reminds me I am doing ok. Sitting outside around the fire pit enjoying a glass of wine with my husband reminds me I am doing ok. Spring has shaken me up the right way this year.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Date Stamped

The Christmas of 1985 I was in the third grade and my parents had been divorced for three years. My father had called on Christmas Eve to say he would bring my presents by on Christmas Day. After opening my presents from Santa I went and put on my favorite dress and sat in front of the door, only getting up to go to the bathroom. I heard everyone else playing with new toys; I only wanted to wait for him. As evening got closer my mother, who had painfully let me sit waiting for him, tried to distract me from my watch. I refused to move. While everyone was sitting down for dinner I saw my father’s car turn the corner. He circled the cul de sac and pulled in front of the house. He took presents out of his car, walked up to the door and sat them down. Without saying a word he turned back towards his car, got in and drove away. I still remember feeling the coolness of the glass on my forehead mixing with the warmth of my tears. He went into rehab three weeks later and married his therapist.

Freshman year of college he sat next to me in Intro to Philosophy. We went for coffee one night and didn’t stop seeing each other for months. In January he started doing heroin again but I didn’t know. In March I tried to leave him but he said he would kill me. In May, he threw a chair at me from across the room, the wood splintering against the wall. I wasn’t me at 19 anymore; I was me at 3, seeing my father do the same thing to my mother. My shoes were on and I was out the door, sprinting faster than I had in my life. I hid behind cars and buildings as I heard him yelling after me. I ran to a place where I knew a light would be on. The door was locked. I don’t run anymore.

My meeting had run over and I was the last person to get to the bar. Trivia had become a mindless pleasure that first year of grad school. The only chair left was next to a guy I had met a few times, but wouldn’t have known if I saw him walking down the street. I ordered my beer, an excellent choice he said. I asked what he did; he asked me if I knew who Atticus Finch was. I told him I worked at a church; he asked if I was in charge of the nursery. We sipped our beer. Someone asked me something and I leaned over him to hear them better. His hand was on the small of my back, steadying me. I was home. The game broke up and everyone started to their cars. He walked me to mine and I drove him over to his. As he closed the door, he stuck his head in the rolled down window. With his charming smile he said, I guess I will see you around.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Smack on the Ass

A-Available or single? Married
B-Best Friend? Kristi
C- Cake or Pie? Chocolate Cream Pie with Meringue-made by my mother
D-Drink of choice? Diet Dr. Pepper, strong beer, strong coffee, red wine
E-Essential item I use every day: Tonic Lotion, bumble and bumble
F-Favorite color? Pink
G-Gummy Bears or Gummy worms? Neither
H-Hometown? Broken Arrow
I-Indulgence: a beer and a cigarette
J-January or February? January
K-Kids and names: Lily, duchess, Nick
L-Life is incomplete without? beef
M-Marriage date: September 7, 2002
N-Number of siblings: 0
O-Oranges or apples? both
P-Phobias or fears? Drowning and people touching my eyes
Q-Favorite quote? "if there is comfort in the story of the woman at the well it is the knowledge that Jesus says be bold and fear not the journey" ed miller
R-Reasons to smile: Hearing my daughter laugh
S-Season: Spring
T-Tag 3 or 4 people:
U-Unknown fact about me: I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue. Hot, huh?
V-Vegetable you don't like: brussel sprouts
W-Worst habit: smoking
Y-Your favorite food? meat
Z-Zodiac? Sagittarius